III
FIRST STEPS OF FAITH

And ever more beside him on his way
The unseen Christ shall move;
That he may lean upon His arm and say,
“Dost Thou, dear Lord, approve?”
H. W. LONGFELLOW
IT WAS no perfect being to whom this sense of call had come. A normal
boy living a busy life, whether as clerk in a bank or assistant in his father’s
story he had many temptations, and when a lively cousin came to be his
roommate it was not easy to keep first things first and make time for
prayer. Yet without this there cannot but be failure and unrest. The soul
that is starved cannot rejoice in the Lord, and Hudson Taylor had to learn
that there is no substitute for real spiritual blessing.
“I saw Him and I sought Him, I had Him and I wanted Him,” wrote one
who had gone far in the knowledge of God; and the Barnsley lad, though
only at the beginning, had the same blessed hunger and thirst which the
Lord loves to fill. “My soul thirsteth for thee,” was the longing of David.
“My soul shall be satisfied,” yet in the very same breath, “my soul
followeth hard after thee.”
It was in one such experience of defeat, longing and deeper blessing that
the touch of God came to Hudson Taylor in a new way. In a moment and
without a spoken word, he understood.
He had come to an end of himself, to a place where God only could
deliver, where he must have His succor, His saving strength. If God would
but work on his behalf, would break the power of sin, giving him inward
victory in Christ, he would renounce all earthly prospects, he would go
anywhere, do anything, suffer whatever His cause might demand and be
wholly at His disposal. This was the cry of his heart, if God would but
sanctify him and keep him from falling.
Never shall I forget (he wrote long after) the feeling that came over me
then. Words could not describe it. I felt I was in the presence of God,
entering into a covenant with the Almighty. I felt as though I wished to
withdraw my promise but could not. Something seemed to say, Your
prayer is answered; your conditions are accepted. And from that time the
conviction has never left me that I was called to China.
China, that great country familiar to him from childhood through his
father’s prayers; China, to which he had been dedicated even before birth;
China, whose need and darkness had often called him from afar — was
that indeed God’s purpose for his life? Distinctly, as if a voice had
spoken, the word came in the silence, “Then go for Me to China.”
From that moment life was unified in one great purpose and prayer. For
Hudson Taylor was “not disobedient to the heavenly vision,” and to him
obedience to the will of God was a very practical matter. At once he began
to prepare, as well as he could, for a life that would call for physical
endurance. He took more exercise in the open air, exchanged his feather bed
for a hard mattress and was watchful not to be self-indulgent at table.
Instead of going to church twice on Sunday, he gave up the evening to
visiting in the poorest parts of the town, distributing tracts and holding
cottage meetings. In crowded lodging-house kitchens he became a welcome
figure, and even on the race course his bright face and kindly words opened
the way for many a straight message. All this led to more Bible study and
prayer, for he soon found that there is One and One alone who can make
us “fishers of men.”
The study of Chinese, also, was entered upon with ardor. A grammar of
that formidable language would have cost more than twenty dollars and a
dictionary at least seventy-five. He could afford neither. But with a copy
of the Gospel of Luke in Chinese, by patiently comparing brief verses
with their equivalent in English, he found out the meaning of more than six
hundred characters. These he learned and made into a dictionary of his
own, carrying on at the same time other lines of study.
I have begun to get up at five in the morning (he wrote to his sister at
school) and find it necessary to go to bed early. I must study if I mean to
go to China. I am fully decided to go, and am making every preparation I
can. I intend to rub up my Latin, to learn Greek and the rudiments of
Hebrew, and get as much general information as possible. I need your
prayers.
Several years with his father as a dispensing chemist had increased his
desire to study medicine, and when an opportunity occurred of becoming
assistant to a leading physician in Hull he was not slow to avail himself of
it. This meant leaving the home circle, but first in the doctor’s residence
and later in the home of an aunt, his mother’s sister, the young assistant
was still surrounded with refinement and comfort.
This proved, indeed, one of the elements in the new life which led him to
serious thinking. Dr. Hardey paid a salary sufficient to cover personal
expenses, but Hudson Taylor was giving, as a matter of duty and privilege,
a tenth of all that came to him to the work of God. He was devoting time
on Sunday to evangelism in a part of the town where there was urgent
need for temporal as well as spiritual help. And this raised the question,
why should he not spend less for himself and have the joy of giving more
to others?
On the outskirts of the town, beyond some vacant lots, a double row of
cottages bordered a narrow canal which gave the name of “Drainside” to
the none too attractive neighborhood. The canal was just a deep ditch into
which Drainside people were in the habit of throwing rubbish to be carried
away, in part, whenever the tide rose high enough — for Hull is a seaport
town. The cottages, like peas in a pod, followed the windings of the Drain
for half a mile or so, each having one door and two windows. It was for a
rented room in one of these little places that Hudson Taylor left his aunt’s
pleasant home on Charlotte Street. Mrs. Finch, his landlady, was a true
Christian and delighted to have “the young doctor” under her roof. She did
her best, no doubt, to make the chamber clean and comfortable, polishing
the fireplace opposite the window and making up the bed in the corner
farthest from the door. A plain deal table and a chair or two completed the
appointments. The room was only twelve feet square and did not need
much furniture. It was on the level with the ground and opened familiarly
out of the kitchen. From the window one looked across to “The Founder’s
Arms,” a countrified public-house whose lights were useful on dark nights
shining across the mud and water of the Drain.
Whatever it may have been in summer, toward the close of November
when Hudson Taylor made it is home Drainside must have seemed dreary
enough. To add to the changed conditions he was boarding himself, which
meant that he bought his meager supplies as he returned from the surgery
and rarely sat down to a proper meal. His walks were solitary, his
evenings spent alone, and Sundays brought long hours of work in his
district or among the crowds who frequented Humber Dock.
Having now the twofold object in view (he recalled) of accustomizing
myself to endure hardness, and of economizing in order to help those
among whom I was laboring in the Gospel, I soon found that I could live
upon very much less than I had previously thought possible. Butter, milk
and other luxuries I ceased to use, and found that by living mainly on
oatmeal and rice, with occasional variations, a very small sum was
sufficient for my needs. In this way I had more than two-thirds of my
income available for other purposes, and my experience was that the less I
spent on myself and the more I gave to others, the fuller of happiness and
blessing did my soul become.
For God is no man’s debtor, and here in his solitude Hudson Taylor was
learning something of what He can be to the one who follows hard after
Him. In these days of easygoing Christianity, is it not well to remind
ourselves that it really does cost to be a man or woman whom God can
use? One cannot obtain a Christ like character for nothing; one cannot do a
Christ like work save at great price. “Can ye drink of the cup that I drink
of, and be baptized with the baptism wherewith I am baptized?”
China was occupying no little public attention at this time, because of the
remarkable developments of the Taiping Rebellion. Many were praying,
and countless hearts were more or less stirred about its evangelization. But
when disappointment came, and the failure of enterprises that promised
well, the majority ceased to help or care. Prayer meetings dwindled to
nothing, would-be missionaries turned to other callings, and contributions
dropped off to such an extent that more than one society actually ceased
to exist. But here and there were those upon whom the Lord could count
— poor and weak perhaps, unknown and unimportant, but ready, by
grace, to go all lengths in carrying out His purposes.
Here in his quiet lodging at Drainside was such a man. With all his
limitations, Hudson Taylor desired supremely a Christ like character and
life. As test came after test that might have been avoided, he chose the
pathway of self emptying and the cross, not from any idea of merit in so
doing, but simply because led by the Spirit of God. Thus he was in an
attitude that did not hinder blessing.
“Behold I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it; for
thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and has not denied my
name.”
“A great door and effectual... and there are many adversaries.”
Adversaries there certainly were to oppose Hudson Taylor’s progress at
this time. He was entering upon one of the most fruitful periods of his life,
rich in blessing for himself and others. Is it any wonder that the tempter
was at hand? He was alone, hungry for love and sympathy, living a life of
self-denial not easy for a lad to bear. It was just the opportunity for the
devil, and he was permitted for a while to do his worst, that even that
might be overruled for good.
For it was just at this juncture, when he had been at Drainside only a few
weeks, that the dreaded blow fell, and the one he loved with a great love
seemed lost to him forever.
For two long years he had hoped and waited. The very uncertainty of the
future made him long the more for her presence, her companionship
through all changes. But now the dream was over. Seeing that nothing
could dissuade her friend from his missionary purpose, the young music
teacher — with her sweet face and lovely voice — made it plain at last
that she was not prepared to go to China. Her father would not hear of it,
nor did she feel fitted for such a life. This could mean but one thing,
though the heart that loved her best was well-nigh broken.
“Is it all worth while?” urged the tempter. “Why should you go to China,
after all? Why toil and suffer all your life for an ideal of duty? Give it up
now, while you can yet win her. Earn a proper living like everybody else,
and serve the Lord at home. For you can win her yet.”
Love pleaded hard. It was a moment of wavering. The enemy came in like
a flood, for the lad was benumbed with sorrow, and instead of turning to
the Lord for comfort he kept it to himself and nursed his grief. But he was
not forsaken.
Alone in the surgery (he wrote the following day) I had a melting season. I
was thoroughly softened and humbled, and had a wonderful manifestation
of the love of God. A broken and a contrite heart He did not despise, but
answered my cry for blessing in very deed and truth.
Yes, He has humbled me and shown me what I am, revealing Himself as a
present, a very present help in time of trouble. And though He does not
deprive me of feeling in my trial, He enables me to sing, Yet will I rejoice
in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.”...
Now I am happy in my Saviors love. I can thank Him for all, even the
most painful experiences of the past, and trust Him without fear for all
that is to come.