1. The only way to get the best of an
argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other persons
opinions, never say “You are wrong”
3. If you are wrong admit it quickly and
When we know the Lord Jesus Christ, the
Holy Spirit begins to transform us from
our earthly image, into the Lord’s
18 But we all, with unveiled face,
beholding as in a mirror the glory of
the Lord, are being transformed into the
same image from glory to glory, just as
by the Spirit of the Lord.
Being changed into the Lord’s image, our
way of thinking changes, we learn this
world is not all there is. We begin to
think in terms of eternity. We have a
purpose beyond this life.
Whatever our station, knowing the Lord,
makes us the Lord’s representative to a
dying and lost world. The world needs
to know Jesus Christ, without Jesus,
there is no hope. We play a vital link
in the lives of people and eternity; we
should never take lightly the people God
has put in our life. Each person we
meet might be someone sent by the Lord.
Someone the Lord wants us to reach for
eternity. How we respond can be a
direct reflection on the One we
represent. The eternity of souls could
be directly effected by what we say and
We as Christians should make it
our goal to change people over to our
way of thinking; we should want people
to know Jesus like we know Jesus.
Salvation for the lost person is like a
cool oasis of life in the hot endless
desert of life. Giving people eternal
life is an amazing job given us by our
savior. The goal here is be equipped to
handle people. How we can influence
their decisions, for eternity.
Therefore the ultimate goal in
learning “How to win friends and
influence people” should be the
Kingdom of God we represent. For
example, if we try to present Jesus in
hard argumentative manner, we might
loose the opportunity to present Jesus,
because the lost person just turns our
message off. This is what it means to
win people “our way” of thinking.
Learning how to dialogue with people, so
they can see “our way”, the Gospel,
which is God’s way.
4. Begin in a friendly way
Our life in many ways gives off an aroma
of who we are. Life is filled with
conflict, whether at work, on the road,
at friends’ houses, family, government
or neighbors’ back yards, all of us will
face conflict in some form from other
people. How do we handle these
conflicts? How do we approach these
Many times these are the same
people God has called s to reach, if
that is the case, how can we deal with
these adverse situations Abraham
Lincoln said the following in a speech
It is an old and true maxim that a “drop
of honey catches more flies then a
gallon of gall”. So with men, if you
would win a man to your cause, first
convince him you are his sincere friend.
Therein is a drop of honey that catches
his heart; which say what you will is
the great high road to his reason.
Think to yourself, who would
you rather deal with and talk too, a
friendly person or an angry person? Do
you prefer a person with a smile or a
frown? When we want to bring someone to
our way of thinking, especially
concerning the Gospel, we need to keep
in mind how we come across. You and I
might be Jesus they ever see. Even when
we disagree with someone we can choose
to be friendly or angry. The point here
is, if we meet someone on angry or
threatening terms, they will dig in
their heals and prepare for battle.
While, if me meet people on friendly
terms, we are much more likely to get
them to hear us.
The Bible presents us with the view of
these two approaches to our fellow
By approaching people in a
friendly manner, we create an open door
to the Gospel. In everything we do, we
are the Lord’s agent to reach the
lost. When you sit down with someone,
how do you come across? We can pray,
that we would reflect the love of God in
every situation. Our presence and
demeanor can spark someone to want to
know, what is different about us? Why
do we have peace? Why are we content?
Before you know Christ, did you
meet people, who had a presence about
them, which separated them from others?
This is an issue we can take to the
Lord, He can change our attitude with
Lord change my attitude around people
let your love and meekness flow through
me. Help me to be friendly, let people
see Jesus in me. Let me be your bright
light in the darkness. Use me to find
those who are lost, who are looking for
hope and meaning. Give me your peace
when I am talking to someone about the
Gospel, let me not become angry or
5. Get the other person to say “yes,
To bring someone over to our way of
thinking, its important to establish an
open line of communication. A
disagreement at the beginning of a
meeting set the tone for the rest of the
For example, if a Muslim and
Christian are meeting to discuss their
faiths, have a great deal in common,
even if there is also disagreement. To
establish a dialogue, the Christian
should acknowledge the area where the
Muslim and the Christian can agree.
We should always look for ways
we agree, and build those ways into our
conversation. The goal is to keep the
conversation open and forward moving as
opposed to having it close from the
Example of Muslim-Christian Dialogue
(Tom Christian and Ibraham Muslim)
Hello Ibrahim? Nice to meet you, hey I
am really glad we can get together and
talk about Islam and Christianity. A
lot of people think you should not talk
about religion, for the fear of
offending people. However, I think
knowing where you are going to spend
eternity is the most important issue,
would you agree?
Yes I agree, what happens after I die is
much more important then gaining all the
money in the world. This is the reason
I am a Muslim, because I want to be
prepared for my eternity.
Yes I agree, Ibraham, both you and I
have a lot in common, even though we
disagree about some major issues, we can
also see what we share. Ibrham, would
you agree that Muslims and Christians
both believe God created the heavens,
the earth and humanity?
Sure, we both agree on that these very
basic principles, Allah is the source of
the world we live in, He is the source
of all the people alive.
Ibraham, Muslims also believe Jesus is
the Messiah right?
Yes he is the Messiah; however we do not
believe he is God or the Son of God.
Example of Atheist-Christian Dialogue
(Tom Christian and Mike Atheist)
Mike, How I am glad you and I are
willing to have this kind of meeting, I
know you are just as interested in
learning the truth, about where we came
from, as I am?
Sure, I am all about reality! Tom you
know I don’t buy any of that of
religious garbage, I know we are
products of the universe without God,
but I am willing to have to tell you why
that’s the case if you are willing.
Mike do you agree we should examine the
facts, to determine if what we believe
Yes, Atheism is all about facts, we
know God does not exist based on facts.
Would you say you are logical in your
approach? If someone could show you the
evidence of the Bible and Jesus are you
willing to at least listen?
I am absolutely logical. Hey, I have
looked at the so-called evidence, but I
am willing to hear what you have to say.
In both dialogues, the goal was
to keep the road of communication open.
Looking for areas we can agree with the
person as opposed to start out with
disagreement. Paul when he addressed
the Areopagus, used the existence of the
“Unknown god” to bridge the discussion
to Jesus. He was looking for something
which they agreed to.
Imagine if Paul started out by
saying, you idol worshippers, let me now
teach you about “Truth” and how you have
fallen for “Satan” trap, in what you
We should take the time to
learn how to dialogue with those we are
trying to save.
6. Let the other person do a great deal
of the talking
Everybody has a life story;
they have reason why they believe what
they do. In dialoguing we need to let
the other person do the talking. Try to
learn where a person is coming from.
Learn, why do they think that way? The
best way to learn is to listen.
Encourage the other person to talk,
about his or her experiences.
This principle applies in all
situations, personal, business and
spiritual. The following story is told
in the book, How to Win Friends and
“Barbara Wilson’s relationship with her
daughter, Laurie, was deteriorating
rapidly. Laurie, who had been a quiet,
complacent child, had grown into an
uncooperative, sometimes belligerent
teenager. Mrs. Wilson lectured her,
threatened her and punished her, but to
“ One day,” Mrs. Wilson told one of
our classes, “I just gave up. Laurie
had disobeyed me and left the house to
visit her girl friend before she had
completed her chores. When she returned
I was about to scream at her for the
ten-thousandth time, but I just looked
at her and said sadly, ‘Why, Laurie,
“Laurie noted my condition and in a
calm voice asked, ‘Do you really want to
know?’ I nodded and Laurie told me,
first hesitantly, and then it all flowed
out. I had never listened to her I was
always telling her to do this or that.
When she wanted to tell me her thoughts,
feelings, ideas, I interrupted with ore
orders. I began to realize that she
needed me-not as a bossy mother, but as
a confidante, an outlet for all her
confusion about growing up. And all I
had been doing was talking when I should
have been listening. I never heard her.
“From that time on I let her do all
the talking she wanted. She tells me
what is on her mind, and our
relationship has improved immeasurably.
She is again a cooperative person”
As in the case of Laurie above, many of
us never get the opportunity to tell our
story. Our actions are often the outlet
for the inner pain we suffer. Sometimes
people are just waiting for someone who
cares enough to listen to them about
Why does the atheist reject
God? Maybe it has nothing to do with
theology, but everything to do with his
life? What if his father abandoned him,
maybe his mother never had time, inside
he is crying hurt child. He just can’t
believe if God existed, He would allow
him to hurt so much. God could have
placed you in this person’s life, to
show him the love of God, he has never
experienced. If we do all the talking,
sometimes we never find out what the
other person is thinking.
7. Let the other person feel the idea is
his or hers.
Our fallen human nature for the
most part is self-focused. We always
think in terms of our life, our
thoughts, our plans and our future. We
are always more interested in our ideas
and plans then the next guys. Since we
all have a human nature, many times the
thoughts you and I have, are they very
same thoughts the next person has.
In our dialogues with people
who are seeking the Lord, let’s try to
talk in their terms. For example, if a
person relates to a time they sought
God, talk in terms of that event rather
then in terms of your event.
In the example below, Lisa
Christian want to help her agnostic
friend, who thinks God does not really
care if God cared, her life would be
Example Dialogue Lisa Christian and
so how was it you cam to the conclusion
God does not love you?
When I was going through the worst
period of my life, I cried out to a god,
I said if you exist help me? I got no
reply, the horror in my life continued.
So I came to the conclusion, god does
not exist or does not love me. No one
could have ever gone through what I went
through, but I got through it on my own
I am really sorry to hear, the horror
you went through. The point is Lisa;
you did seek God at one point in your
life. God really knows your heart and
feels your pain; the Bible says God
loves you so much. I might not have
gone through what you have gone through,
but I know God has heard you.
Listen Lisa, religion might work for
you, but it doesn’t for me, I don’t need
a crutch, I have myself.
Cindy, don’t give up on God. Give God a
chance to remove the pain in your life,
do you know what happens after you die?
Cindy at one time you sought God, let me
show how I think God answered your cry.
Through the dialogue, Lisa has
discovered at one time, Cindy cried out
to God, but felt abandoned and rejected
by God. Notice how Lisa, talks in terms
of Cindy’s experience rather then her
own, the events in Cindy’s life are very
real to her. She has never had this
event addressed; the fact is Cindy
sought God, so Lisa presenting God to
Cindy is not Lisa idea, but Cindy’s.
Lisa is merely addressing an area of her
life which has never been addressed.
Lisa is letting Cindy know the
idea is hers, not Lisa’s. Many times we
need to find the idea in the history of
the other persons memory, because all of
us are seeking the same things. This
stems all the way back to Adam.
We all want to be significant,
we all want to count, we really want to
know the purpose and meaning of our
life. Satan uses these needs and
desires we seek, to destroy us. Our job
as the Lord’s warriors is to counter
Satan’s attack with the Gospel.
Satan lied to Cain, when he
felt insignificant as a result of his
attitude toward God. Cain thought if he
killed Abel his problem would be solved.
This is what plagues humanity to this
very day, our yearning for meaning. We
as followers of Christ have the answer
the world seeks.